Funfeeds

Facts on Foods

funfeeds — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 06:17:00 +0000

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For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on
nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting medical studies.

FACTS

1 Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
Aussie’s, British or Americans.

2 Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
Aussies, British or Americans.

3 Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the Aussies, British or Americans.

4 Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.

5 Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and
suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies,British or Americans.

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CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.:lol:

Japanese English

funfeeds — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 11:11:00 +0000

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in
US!!!

A few years ago, Japan’s Prime Minister Mori was given
some Basic English Conversation training before he
visited Washington and met president Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you
shake hands with
President Clinton, please say ‘how are you’.
Then Mr. Clinton will say," I’m fine, and you?"
Now you should say ‘me too’.

Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for
you."

It looked quite simple, but the truth was….
When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are
You?".

Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to
react with humor:
"Well, I am Hilary’s husband, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, hahaha..hahaha"

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room

The Ten Commandments of Marriage

funfeeds — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 04:31:00 +0000

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Commandment 1.Marriages are made in heaven. But, so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3. Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7. Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9. Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.That is why a wife treats her husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10. A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished!

Genealogy

funfeeds — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:36:00 +0000

A little girl asked her mother,

‘How did the human race appear?’

The mother answered,

‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.’

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,

‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

‘Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,

and Dad said they developed from monkeys?’

The mother answered,

‘Well, dear, it is very simple.

I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.

Very Important Tips

funfeeds — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:25:00 +0000

If you are ever forced by a thief or someone to take money out of an ATM
machine, ………………………….
……………………….
…………………….
………………
………..
…….
….

"Enter your pin number reversed."

So if your number is 1254 mark 4521.

The ATM machine will give you your money that time, but it will
automatically immediately recognize this as a plea for help and will alert
the police immediately unknown to the thief.

This option is in all ATM machines, but not many people know this.

Please pass this information on to others. No harm in keeping this in
mind!!

Management Fundas

funfeeds — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 04:39:00 +0000

Here are some small interesting stories to teach you Big management fundas from moral of the story:

Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I’ll give you $ 800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $ 800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $ 800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the managerare walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I’ll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Puff! She’s gone. Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He’s gone. "OK, you’re up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered:
"Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy." "Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
BullSh!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird d singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story

(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you’re in deep sh!t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends the 3-minute management course.

SALARY DAY

funfeeds — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:48:00 +0000

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MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A GUY

Heading

First Week

Second Week

Third Week

Fourth Week

a) Bank Balance

20000

2000

200

20

b) Conveyance

Auto (‘I can afford it’)

Share Auto (‘I would like to share. I am selfless!’)

Bus (‘Public figures should travel by public transport’)

Walk (‘Good for health’)

c) Girl Friends

Eena , Meena & Tina (‘I can BUY love’)

Meena &Tina (‘I have enough girl friends’)

Tina (‘I am loyal to her’)

‘Huh! There is no pure love on earth!’

d) Mobile Maintenance

Frequent outgoing calls (‘This is what mobile is invented for’)

Restricted outgoing calls (‘I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines’)

Rare outgoing calls (‘ Mobile should be used in urgent situations only’)

Only incoming calls (‘I am not going to call her until she calls me’)

e) Boozing

‘Come, let’s go to Goa and freak out!

‘Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let’s go to Mysore ..’

‘The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?’

‘Drinking is injurious to health.’

MONTHLY MILESTONES of a Single Girl

Heading

First Week

Second Week

Third Week

Fourth Week

a) Bank Balance

20000

20000

20000

20000

b) Conveyance

Auto (‘after all my boy friend pays for it’)

Auto (‘after all my boy friend pays for it’)

Auto (‘after all my boy friend pays for it’)

Auto (‘after all my boy friend pays f or it’)

c) Boy Friends

Abhinav , saleem, Peter

Sachin, sumeet, vinay

Abhijeet, Ram, christopher. ..

Arun , Saket, vimal..

d) Mobile Maintenance

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)

e) Boozing

‘Come, let’s go to Goa

‘Come, let’s go to Kulu

‘Come, let’s go to Shimla

‘Come, let’s go to darj eeling

Some famous Quotes and Proverbs (part II)

funfeeds — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:38:00 +0000

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I believe that man will not merely endure; he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among the creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of kindness and compassion.
William Falconer

No man is a failure who is enjoying life.
William Feather

Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of its filling a vacuum, it makes one.
Ben Franklin

Two roads diverged in a wood, and –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost

Happy is the man who know what to remember of the past, what to enjoy in the present,and what to plan for the future.
A. Gibson

I shall pass through this world but once.
Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show any human being, let me do it now.
Let me not deter or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Stephen Grellett

Along the Road
I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And ne’er a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me.
Robert Browning Hamilton

Love is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
Helen Hayes

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Henley, in Invictus

The easiest thing to do, whenever you fail, is to put yourself down down by blaming your lack of ability for your misfortunes.
Kenneth Hildebrand

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
Eric Hoffer

Don’t flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates.
The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do.
Think up something appropriate and do it.
Edgar Watson Howe

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
Elbert Hubbard

The greatest happiness of life it the conviction that we are loved –loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
Victor Hugo

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones;
and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
Victor Hugo

My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.
Lee Iacocca

The time to be happy is now; the place to be happy is here.
Robert G. Ingersoll

Live all you can; it’s a mistake not to. It doesn’t much matter what you do in particular, so long as you have had your life. If you haven’t had that, what have you had?
Henry James

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
Franklin P.James

The real measure of our wealth is how much we’d be worth if we lost all our money.
J.H. Jowett

The more things change, the more they remain the same.
Alghonse Karr

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

The real test of friendship is: Can you literally do nothing with the other person?
Can you enjoy together those moments of life that are utterly simple?
They are the moments people looks back on at the end of life and number as their most sacred experiences.
Eugene Kennedy

Believe the best of everybody.
Rudyard Kipling

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
“What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
C. S. Lewis

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.
Vince Lombardi

If we could read the secret history of our enemies,we should find in each person’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.
When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.
When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.
When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.
When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.
When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.
When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.
When times are tough, dare to be tougher.
When love hurts you, dare to love again.
When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.
When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.
When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.
When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.
When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.
When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.
Dare to be the best you can At all times, Dare to be!
Steve Maraboli

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
Diego Marchi
This quote contributed by
Anna Saint

Life is like a voyage that is homeward bound.
Herman Melville

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, “I’ll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?”
Bette Midler

The pain of not doing something, is greater than the pain of doing something.
William Dennis Miner

Doubts are more cruel than the worst of truth.
Moliere

Some famous Quotes and Proverbs

funfeeds — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:35:00 +0000

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Faith has to do with things that are not seen, and hope with things that are not in hand.
Saint Thomas Acquinas

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.
Joseph Addison

People don’t have fortunes left them in that style nowadays, men have to work and women to marry for money. It’s a dreadfully unjust world.
Louisa May Alcott

Your lost friends are not dead, but gone before, advanced a stage or two upon that road which you must travel in the steps they trod.
Aristophanes

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.
Richard Armour

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
James Barrie

When one door closes another one opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Robert Benchley

In the whole history of the world there is but one thing
that money can not buy — to wit, the wag of a dog’s tail.
Josh Billings

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.
William Blake

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar,
but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.
Robert Brault

God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Love come out of heaven unasked and unsought.
Pearl S. Buck

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.
John Burrough

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
Samuel Butler

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus

Fame is only good for one thing – they will cash your check in a small town.
Truman Capote

We are accustomed to say that the truth makes men free.
It does nothing of the kind.
It is the knowledge of the truth that creates freedom.
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
Ernest H. Cherrington

One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!
Winston Churchill

Everyone has a fair turn to be as great as he pleases.
Jeremy Collier

True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
Charles Caleb Colton

Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.
Marquis de Condorcet

Age is a matter of feeling not of years.
George W. Curtis

The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents,and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow

Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.
James Dean

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.
Jimmy Dean

Cheerfulness and content are great beautifiers and famous preservers of good looks.
Charles Dickens

If you can dream it, you can do it.
Walt Disney

To love someone means to see him as God intended him.
Feodor Dostoevsky

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.
Maureen Dowd, American Newspaper Columnist

If we all did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.
Thomas Edison

A man’s ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
Albert Einstein

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.
Jim Elliot

Perservance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another!
Walter Elliott

He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare,
And he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly, until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Top 9 Funniest Newspaper Classifieds

funfeeds — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 03:41:00 +0000

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
(man….if only I knew A B C….)

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you’ll never go anywhere again.
(sure…thanx for the warning!)

3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
(in months or years?)

4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
(check it out)

5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
(howwww sweeeet)

6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
(wow! A free trip to heaven?)

7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
(uh…huh!)

8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
(hey….who taught cows the bad habit??)

9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
(nice work!)

Heading	First Week	Second Week	Third Week	Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance	20000	2000	200	20
b) Conveyance	Auto (‘I can afford it’)	Share Auto (‘I would like to share. I am selfless!’)	Bus (‘Public figures should travel by public transport’)	Walk (‘Good for health’)
c) Girl Friends	Eena , Meena & Tina (‘I can BUY love’)	Meena &Tina (‘I have enough girl friends’)	Tina (‘I am loyal to her’)	‘Huh! There is no pure love on earth!’
d) Mobile Maintenance	Frequent outgoing calls (‘This is what mobile is invented for’)	Restricted outgoing calls (‘I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines’)	Rare outgoing calls (‘ Mobile should be used in urgent situations only’)	Only incoming calls (‘I am not going to call her until she calls me’)
e) Boozing	‘Come, let’s go to Goa and freak out!	‘Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let’s go to Mysore ..’	‘The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?’	‘Drinking is injurious to health.’